Tuesday, 18 May 2010

a small selection of the stupid questions I'm pondering right now

Why am I so motivated by jealousy?
Like, when I see that a writer who took part in a showcase thing I did is having a short piece put on, I immediately do a trawl of everywhere I can think of to start getting some scripts sent out. I mean, it's great that it gives me a kick up the arse, but is that really what it takes? Am I really so uncharitable? (Yes, yes I am. It doesn't help, of course, that she wrote a very beautiful piece that was quite frankly better than mine.)

What on earth is going on in my head?
The last script I've written is weird and a bit dark. I re-read it last night and there was a point I just had to stop. It was TOO STRANGE. All this stuff comes straight out of my head, scarily enough.

It's a bit terrifying when I write things I had no idea I thought.
I discovered a deep-seated aversion to homeopaths in one of the first things I ever wrote. I never even thought I had an opinion on the matter. I'm going to hope it's a good thing that this stuff comes out.

Why do I need constant praise and validation?

And this being the case, why do I persist in writing scripts, which have approximately a 97 per cent rejection rate?

How do I tell some bloke off the internet I don't want to see him again?
I find it deeply unnerving when people go all keen on me. And I have no idea how to tell them that I find them completely, irredemably unattractive. Not because they're horrible. Just because. God I'm rubbish at this.

Feel free to provide answers to any of the above.


Brian Keaney said...

Gore Vidal said something like, 'Every time I hear of the success of a friend something inside me dies.'
Every writer knows that feeling - the sense that the sun is shining in someone else's backyard but not yours.

Claire said...

Regarding the last point - you are not alone. I endured 2 hours with some awful man with the most vile teeth. I have no idea why I didn't just walk out after one drink! He tried for a kiss but managed to dodge and after all of that I still gave him a lift home. He pursued for a while but I had to say in the end that I just didn't feel we clicked. And then I said I met someone else. And then I had to ignore him...

easilydistractedwriter said...

I think I need to let go of the idea that one day I'm going to be all zen and accepting of the fact that other people are more successful than me. I just need to learn to live with the envy. And also get much better at writing.

Dating wise: one day I will have a date where I like someone and they like me back. Until then, it will continue to be some kind of awful mismatch, in one direction or another. And I will console myself with the thought that I write some really amazing scenes based on crap dates.