Thursday, 23 April 2009

An embarrassing incident (or two)

Something a bit embarrassing occurred last night. And I've spent my entire day trying not to think about it. And as generally happens when you try not to think about something, it kept popping into my head. 

As a special bonus, I also had some flashbacks to Very Embarrassing Moments from the past. As if my inner psyche decided that this would be a good time to remind myself of all the shit, stupid things I've ever done. Thanks psyche!

So, here they are, some of those embarrassing things...

1. What I did in my friend Natalie's garage at that student party.
I didn't even know myself what had happened for a year. I was too embarrassed to ask. I was rightly too embarrassed to ask. It was far worse than I imagined. 

2. What I said to Neil Hannon, lead singer of the Divine Comedy, when I hung around after a gig at Leeds Met.
In my defence, he was only 5 ft 4 or something.  

3. The awful, wine-fuelled weirdness that happened in that bar in that town in the East Midlands. Note to self: don't get involved with middle-aged am dram chaps in small towns.  Awfulness on lots of levels. 

4. The white wine incident at the Soho private club I accidentally got into.

5. ...and what I said to one of the founders of Comic Relief on the same night.

6. Oh, and actually, the taxi thing on the way home from that. That was a bad night. 

7. What I said to the very senior manager at the bona fide glitzy awards do. While his girlfriend was standing next to him.

8. And what I told my flatmate at the same do, and forgot I'd said it, and said it again the next day. Twice the embarrassment!  Brilliant.

Man, I'm crap at stuff. 

Tuesday, 14 April 2009


I moved house last week. When you live in shared houses, moving house is more than just going to a new place, it's about creating an entirely new domestic set-up, generally with someone you found on gumtree and met for 10-15 minutes, and hopefully got a strong enough non-serial-killer vibe. Hopefully. And hopefully those instincts were correct, because now you're living with this stranger.

I don't really feel like I know about my new housemate yet, but so far the prognosis is as follows. 

Reasons to be cheerful:
The house is very clean.

Reasons to be concerned:
The house is very clean. I think she cleans the entire bathroom with bleach twice a day. She used a knife of mine the other day and then washed my entire cutlery set, just because

So who knows. And as I gradually try to unpack my millions of boxes of not quite sure what, I just hope that I'm not having to pack to leave any time soon. Sigh. 

Thursday, 2 April 2009

hey jealousy (see footnote)

So, am packing my room up and it's a bit weird and a bit sad because I've been here for three years (not the whole time in this room, obviously) and it's quite strange having to leave.  

Most of my brain has been taken up with finding a new place to live lately, and one thing of the various things about this that is mildly rubbish is my utter lack of writing. All I've been doing is reading about other, very successful writers and getting quite jealous. And much as I'd like to say I've taken my jealousy and directed it towards writing something really amazing... I haven't. I've just festered a bit and muttered about 'ckin 19-year-olds with Royal Court commissions and the like. 

I was working in Virgin Megastores in the home town when I was 19, and it was not a happy time, let me tell you. The most exciting aspect of the job was occasionally being able to choose some music to play as were clearing away after the shop had shut. I put on some Belle and Sebastian. Obviously. And I had a mild crush on a boy with long hair for the first and last time in my life. (The long hair bit I mean.) 

Oh yes, those were the days. 

Which is just about enough packing avoidance for now, so I better get back to it... Such a glamorous life I lead. 

*I was going to try and make the title to the Gin Blossoms doing Hey Jealousy from the 90s, in an attempt at an indie-pop one hit wonder reference, for no good reason at all. But YouTube has taken its ball home and won't play no music no more. The thought was there.